I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
