ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
