apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
