Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
