Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I need to calm my uterus...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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