I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
