I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize