Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
