U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I cut my penus on the lid.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
