Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
