Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just gargled with NyQuil
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
