then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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