i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
