I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize