saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
And then he peed in my hair
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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