I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I am mentally ready for anal.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
