News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
