help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
