yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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