I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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