I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
