I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
