For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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