It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
