So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
