don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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