Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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