i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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