I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We talked him into tasing himself.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
