Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
