Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
