when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
