I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Less talking, more tequila
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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