He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
