At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
