he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
