dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
