I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
