Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize