How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
