This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
just tell him i said nine months
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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