My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
