I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize