my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
