what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
