I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
