Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
false alarm, still single
Randomize
