Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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