Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
