Did you just see the Batmobile???
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
