So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
