I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
