Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
