they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
