A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
