there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
