why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
