I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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