you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
