when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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