At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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