so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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