I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize