At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
