Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
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