she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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