We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
