just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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