I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
