There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
