Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
