we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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