Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
