i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
