he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
