This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
