and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
how does that bad decision feel?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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