when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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