Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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