I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
