made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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