how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
