My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
