I just saw a hot homeless man
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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