Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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