I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
