Sry I called you an 8
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
