you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
