i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
