2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
