i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
