Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
